ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT
This may seem obvious, but it’s surprising how many relationship problems start with the inability of one or both partners to tell the person they love what they want. Expecting your partner to read your mind isn’t fair to him. Living in silent misery because your needs aren’t being met isn’t fair to you. What happens to your relationship if this issue goes unaddressed isn’t fair to either of you.-- By Sharon O'Brien
DATE YOUR PARTNER
Being in a committed long-term relationship is no reason to stop dating. Dating your partner, that is. No matter how long you’ve been together, a little romance now and then can help you both stay excited about the relationship and happy about the person who’s holding your hand.
Schedule weekly date nights, and a weekend getaway at least every two or three months, to help keep the romance alive.
LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE
Your relationship is a very important part of your life, but it isn’t your whole life. Being independent and having a life that is separate from your partner—with your own friends, work and interests—will help you feel validated as an individual and enable you to give more to the relationship.
BE REALISTIC
Don’t base your relationship expectations on love songs and romantic comedies. Those are entertainment; this is your life. Understand the difference and don’t expect your partner to live up to some idealistic view of the perfect mate.
KEEP SECRETS
Not from each other, but for each other. You and your partner need to be able to share anything, no matter how personal or potentially embarrassing, and know that it won’t go any farther. Let alone end up as girlfriend gossip or a punch line for the guys.
KNOW WHY YOU STAY
Why is it better for you to stay with your partner than to be single? If you don’t know, or you can imagine yourself living on your own again without many feelings of loss or regret, there’s a good chance your relationship won’t last. Think about this and make your list. Happy couples know why they are together.
PICK YOUR BATTLES
Every couple argues. It’s inevitable. It’s even healthy. But happy couples know how to pick their battles, let the little things go, and only fight over things that matter. Couples who argue to clarify the issue, determine where each partner stands and find a solution both can support, also tend to be happier than couples who just fight to win.
SHARE THE CHORES
Unless you’re auditioning for an episode of “Hoarders,” it takes a lot of work to keep your home running smoothly—laundry, dishes, vacuuming, paying bills—and there’s plenty of work to go around. Don’t leave this to chance. Decide together on a fair division of labor, and switch things up now and then to make sure neither of you always gets stuck with the same chores.
DON’T FIX YOUR RELATIONSHIP, MAINTAIN IT
Couples often don’t seek counseling or start talking seriously about their problems until the relationship is broken and one of the partners has shut down. By then, it may be too late. The truth is maintenance always trumps repair. If you add enough oil and coolant to your car at regular intervals, the engine won’t freeze up or overheat. The same goes for your marriage. Frequent tune ups and regular maintenance can keep things running smoothly.
STOP POINTING FINGERS
Too many couples handle conflict by ignoring the real problem and focusing instead on trying to figure out who is at fault. Happy couples are more likely to do the opposite. Rather than get caught up in assigning blame, acknowledge that you both own the problem and work on solving it together—as true partners.
FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER
Both men and women want to feel attractive—and desirable. That doesn’t stop just because they exchange wedding vows or decide to live together. Whisper something sexy in her ear when you’re at a party or stroke his inner thigh under the table at a restaurant. Let your partner know, by what you say and what you do, that he or she is the one you want.
CHANGE YOURSELF
We all have a long list of things we would like to change about our partner, but here’s the sad and brutal truth: you can’t change another person; you can only change yourself. Focusing on trying to change your partner will just create resentment and frustration. Change yourself instead. You might find that different stimuli will lead to a better response.
RESPECT YOUR DIFFERENCES
As Dr. John Gray pointed out in his best-selling book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,” men and women are different. If your partner is a member of the opposite sex, get used to the idea that no matter how much you love them and no matter how well you know them, there are things about the way they think, feel and navigate the world that you will never truly understand.
GIVE 100 PERCENT
Couples often think the perfect relationship is 50-50, but in reality both partners have to give 100 percent if they want their relationship to work and to last. Things may balance out in the long run, but happy couples don’t waste time keeping score. They know that each partner contributes different things to the relationship and, on any given day, one partner is bound to give or receive more than the other.
LOOK PAST THE PAST
If you’re smart you learn from your mistakes, including mistakes you’ve made in other relationships, right? Well, yes and no. Although it’s important to avoid repeating mistakes that have led to unhappiness and heartache in previous relationships, don’t let what was blind you to what is. Your current partner and your current relationship are unique. Don’t saddle either with the missteps made by some former lover.
EXCHANGE GIFTS
Couples who have a strong connection often give each other presents or surprise each other with little love notes. It’s a way of preserving and extending the romance of their courtship. The key is to make sure there are no strings attached and that you simply give the gift or write the note to express your love, expecting nothing in return.
VIVE LA DIFFÉRENCE!
Yes, men and women are different in many ways, not only as individuals but also as subspecies of the human race, but there’s no reason to think of that as a bad thing. Actually, that difference is one reason that relationships between men and women are so interesting and, ultimately, rewarding.
MAKE EACH OTHER A PRIORITY
We all get busy—with work, with family, with life—and most days we find ourselves juggling priorities just to keep our heads above water. But don’t let what is most urgent overwhelm what is most important. Make your partner and your relationship your top priorities and put everything else second.
KISS OFTEN
Talking is great, cuddling is terrific, but for true intimate connection it’s hard to beat a kiss. Happy couples tend to kiss. A lot. They kiss good morning, they kiss good night, and they kiss many times in between.
SHARE YOUR FANTASIES
When work and daily responsibilities take up most of your time, it’s easy to let go of dreams and aspirations. Make your relationship a safe place to share your hopes, dreams and fantasies—even sexual ones—and you can plan an exciting future together.
DON’T TAKE LOVE FOR GRANTED
Even the best-planned garden needs care in order to thrive. And like a garden, the relationship you created must be nurtured. Don’t take your partner or your relationship for granted.
BROADEN YOUR HORIZONS
It’s easy to let kids, work and other responsibilities dictate your daily life, but avoid getting stuck in a routine. Encourage each other to learn new things and explore new worlds—it will help you feel more alive and keep your relationship exciting.
DON’T BE AFRAID TO EXPERIMENT
With the stress and pressure of daily life, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut. Change things up a bit—in large and small ways—by varying your routine and trying new things together. Whether it’s a new restaurant, a new hiking trail or a new sexual position, experimentation can keep your relationship fresh.
DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF
When any two people spend a lot of time together, there are bound to be times when you disagree or get on each other’s nerves. For the sake of your relationship, learn when to pick your battles and when to let the small stuff go.
HOLD HANDS
Whether you share a fulfilling sex life or not, most people could use more affection. Make it your happy habit to enjoy non-sexual touching such as holding hands, sharing hugs or a cuddling on the couch.
LISTEN TO EACH OTHER
Your partner is one of the most important people you talk to each day, so give him the respect he deserves. When the topic is important, eliminate distractions like the phone, TV, work or household chores and give each other your undivided attention.
ENCOURAGE GOOD HEALTH
You love your partner and want the best for him, right? So encourage him to live a long and healthy life that includes exercise, eating healthy and well-balanced meals, and using alcohol in moderation.
MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER
Benjamin Franklin said that if you love life, “then do not squander time, for that is the stuff that life is made of.” When you and your partner decided to spend the rest of your lives together, you probably thought that meant spending a lot of quality time with each other. If you’re not doing that, change it.
KEEP UP YOUR OWN APPEARANCE
Don’t decide to let yourself go just because you found someone. Dress up occasionally and do something special together. Pay as much attention to looking nice for your partner as you would for coworkers or friends.
OWN YOUR OWN HAPPINESS
Being part of a couple involves making compromises and sacrifices, but know that your overall happiness is in your hands. Find ways to express yourself and live the life you want within the loving boundaries of a happy relationship.
BE GRATEFUL
Avoid falling into the common rut of taking your partner for granted. Make a point of jotting down—mentally or on paper—the wonderful qualities your partner has and what you’re grateful for. Then share your list to remind your partner of why he or she is special to you.
FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE
It’s nice to have someone you can share your thoughts and feelings with, but don’t save up the bad stuff to share only with your partner. As Abe Lincoln said, “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Keep your relationship balanced by sharing the good as well as the bad.
BE HONEST
If you choose to live your life with integrity, that includes saying what you mean and meaning what you say. This honest communication is especially important with your partner because it helps to build a trusting relationship.
AGREE TO DISAGREE
Some problems simply can’t be solved. No matter how much you talk about it, you and your partner just don’t agree. Make it okay to disagree occasionally; your different points of view make your relationship more interesting.
THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK
Just because you can say anything to your partner doesn’t mean you should. Learn to think before you blurt out the casual or cutting remark that could hurt someone’s feelings.
LAUGH TOGETHER
It's said that laughter is the best medicine, and laughing does have proven health benefits. Laughter is also a great way to build your connection as a couple. So don't take things too seriously, and make a point of sharing a laugh whenever you can.
BE ALONE TOGETHER
At least once a week, plan some time to be alone with each other—with nothing to distract you. Whether you share an activity or just read books quietly at home, the point is to enjoy being in each other’s company.
MAKE DECISIONS TOGETHER
Think of yourselves as co-managers of the relationship you created, with equal responsibility to help it thrive. In that spirit, respect each other’s opinions and beliefs, and make important decisions as a team.
Comments
Post a Comment